Hello Everyone, I’m Carl Vreeland. Welcome to the podcast “Close to the Bone.”

This is episode #55, it’s titled, Addicted to Porn – Part 2.

Although my last episode, “Addicted to Porn,” covered a lot of ground, as it turns out, there’s much more to be said. So, I’m going to jump right in. . . . when medical experts speak of addiction, most tend to overlook a common component to addiction—the obsession. They understandably focus on the physical aspect of addiction. And so, they claim certain drugs are not addictive, and similarly that pornography cannot be addictive. One study writes that, “Clinically, what these findings mean is that instead of assessing porn use in people who seek help for porn-related issues, clinicians and therapists should be assessing a person’s moral attitudes toward porn, as well as their level of religiosity.1” Now that’s not to say that one’s difficulty with viewing porn and masturbating cannot stem from their religious and moral attitudes, wherein, it could cause feelings of guilt and shame, but to rule out that porn addiction doesn’t exist is a miscalculation. This same study says that, “Because of religious opposition to sexual education, many people struggling with masturbation don’t understand what is normal, or that their sexual interests are healthy. Helping people to consciously examine and consider their religious beliefs about sex, masturbation, and porn with modern, adult, self-determining eyes, may help them reduce the pain and suffering caused by this moral conflict.(1)” Again, I agree with this as well, with the exception to pornography. Normalizing porn is a misjudgment, not unlike the normalization of alcohol consumption, and currently marijuana use. No doubt, we live in a drinking culture in the United States, and alcoholism is epidemic here, as well as many other countries. And as for marijuana, it’s on its way to becoming epidemic as well. As for porn, well, if you listened to my last podcast episode, Addicted to Porn, I mentioned how, “Pornhub, the world’s largest free porn site, received over 33.5 billion site visits during 2018 alone.”2 Enough said. . . .

As far as addiction goes, it doesn’t always have to be physical. Whether we’re speaking of alcoholics, drug users, sex-aholics, excessive porn viewers, gamblers, etc., addiction is addiction. And addiction is not solely or always physical; it is also a disease of the mind. And obsession plays a large role. And so like any addiction, porn can take up a lot of headspace. This is especially so with men. Many men turn obsessed with porn viewing. And there are many reasons why. For instance, it’s an escape from their seemingly mundane existence. It’s a break from reality and all its stresses like work, money, bills, marriage challenges, loneliness, ageing, disappointment, heartbreak, rejection, and fear and anger. And of course, it’s a feel-good, dopamine hit, not unlike a snort of cocaine. And if think about it, viewing porn and masturbating is easy. One can simply sit back in the privacy of their home, and take a trip to fantasy island. And one can continue to procrastinate, and put off making any effort to dig deep, and look within, and figure out why life has become intolerable, and explore the reasons why there is such a strong desire to escape from the real world. More than that, one doesn’t have to deal with their emotions and the emotions of an intimate partner on fantasy island. Indeed, one can close the curtains, withdraw from reality, and view all types of porn for free.

Now, on the other side of that, what is not easy, is intimacy, strong emotions, work demands, and dealing with the moods of friends, family, and colleagues who have their own issues. Now, that is hard. Indeed, it’s easier to lock the door to our home office or office door at work and open up a browser. And of course, habits form. And these habits turn addictive. And then, overtime, everything else in life becomes a hindrance, because it keeps us from that alone time at our computer. When we’re addicted, we think about our addiction, plan around it, look for opportunities to get away from the kids, our spouse, so we can get our fix. I mean, how is porn any different than drug addiction or alcoholism? And as with any addiction, we hide it, we take precautions to not get caught, we keep it secret. Which, no doubt, makes things worse. Because, as I’ve said many times; we are only as sick as our secrets.

For sure, dishonesty and addiction go hand in hand. And lying gets easier the more we do it. And there are plenty of studies that show this to be true. “Typically, when we tell a lie, our brain’s amygdala produces a negative emotional state, essentially making us feel stressed or uncomfortable during the process. However, a new study in Nature Neuroscience contends that, the more people lie, the less their brain produces negative stimuli.”3 Indeed, lying gets easier, to the point where one doesn’t even realize they’re lying any longer. And this is certainly common in the world of addiction. Alcoholics Anonymous has an acronym for this: D.E.N.I.A.L. – don’t even notice I am lying.

There are plenty of reasons to be weary of a fascination with pornography. Let’s just look at how porn cultivates a unhealthy view of women. Whether we viewed women as sexual objects before we ever turned to porn or not; pornography will certainly create and further develop a concrete view of women as sexual objects. Objectifying women, or men for that matter, is destructive in many ways. For one, it’s not conducive to healthy intimate relations. In fact, sexual objectification is a barrier to good healthy relationships.

I know many men in recovery that are having a difficult time meeting someone, never mind having a long term relationship with someone. Sometimes, it’s for obvious reason; they are trying too hard, or women pick up on how they view them; like objects. Or more commonly,