Greetings Everyone, Welcome to the podcast “Close to the Bone.” I’m Carl Vreeland.

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This is episode #54, it’s titled, Addicted to Porn.

According to Britannica, the definition of pornography is “. . . representation of sexual behaviour in books, pictures, statues, films, and other media that is intended to cause sexual excitement.”¹ For sure, there is much to be said about pornography; the origins and evolution, the effects of viewing it, the culture of the industry, and well, the good and bad of it. But first, to be clear, in this episode I’ll be touching on different studies and perspectives, as well as my own experiences and observations, I will not be taking any moral stand on the subject.

Pornography has been around for a long time. In fact, and as an example, “Pornography has existed throughout recorded history, transforming with the introduction of each new medium. Hundreds of sexually explicit frescoes and sculptures were found in the Mount Vesuvius ruins of Pompeii.”² “The word pornography, derived from the Greek porni (“prostitute”) and graphein (“to write”), was originally defined as any work of art or literature depicting the life of prostitutes.)”⁽¹⁾ But whether in Greece, Italy, France, England, India, or Japan, it seems pornography in some shape or form has existed since humans have been around. But to clarify, the definition of porn is somewhat subjective; depending on the culture. Well, you can say, one man’s porn is another man’s art or erotica or even religious depiction of a god or goddess. Additionally, for example, visual erotica in ancient Japan was used for sex education purposes, and the erotic manuals of Rome were used to teach the art of seduction and such. But rather than go on a journey of the history of pornography, I’d like to jump ahead to the 19^th century. This was when things shifted to printing technologies which produced poems and novels, leading to photography and film, and eventually videocassettes and DVD’s, which made viewing porn a private affair, so to speak.⁽¹⁾ No longer did one have to go to a movie house or peepshow. One could view porn in the privacy of their home. And then. . .  came the internet.

Since the arrival of the internet, personal computers, and smartphones, porn has become more easily accessible. And it can be viewed for free. Yes, free. But like with most things, in some way or another, we pay a price. But I digress. . . .

"Porn is practically ubiquitous," says Ana Bridges, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Arkansas. And the Internet has made it easier than ever to get an erotic fix.

Many people argue that's a good thing. In a 2002 survey conducted for PBS/Frontline by the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University, 86 percent of respondents said porn can educate people, and 72 percent said it provides a harmless outlet for fantasies. Among those who reported using pornography, 80 percent said they felt "fine" about it.

"There are a lot of people out there using a lot of porn who have no problems with it whatsoever," says Erick Janssen, PhD, a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute. "So when does it become an addiction?" That, of course, is a key question for researchers trying to understand pornography's dark side.³

Well, with all due respect to this scientific research, relying on a respondent’s feelings or thoughts about porn use and its effects on them is like asking an alcoholic if he thinks he has a drinking problem. Being objective about one’s, let’s say, psychologically and emotional well-being is difficult. And when it comes to addiction, it’s nearly impossible. Alcoholics Anonymous describes addiction as being "cunning, baffling and powerful." And porn addiction is no exception. But let’s look further. . . .

“In 2014, researchers associated with Germany’s Max Planck Institute for Human Development published the first brain-scan study on pornography users. The researchers scanned the brains of 64 men aged 21-45 using functional-magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). The men, who were not addicts, were asked how much pornography they viewed per week and how many years they’d been viewing it.”⁴ The more porn the men viewed, the more particular parts of their brain changed. More specifically, their brain’s reward system grew less responsive. Yes, the porn they were viewing turned less stimulating. Moreover, the reward systems connection to the part of the brain responsible for decision-making weakened. Not surprisingly, this breakdown in the neural circuitry commonly leads to bad choices and drug use. The study’s findings also found that nearly 50% of the subjects sought more aggressive pornography and experienced erectile dysfunction and sexual dissatisfaction.⁽⁴⁾

When we view pornography, dopamine levels in the brain increase rapidly. Dopamine is a feel good neurotransmitter. “Thus, pornography can be incredibly addictive, with individuals seeking more and more intense forms of sexual content to achieve the same dopamine rush. This vicious cycle can eventually lead to an addiction to pornography.”⁵ It’s no wonder that “Pornhub, the world’s largest free porn site, received over 33.5 billion site visits during 2018 alone.”⁽²⁾ And because of increased viewing, porn users become desensitized and need more stimulation. More than that, this frequent use damages the reward system, making it difficult to achieve arousal with romantic partners, which leads to more porn. “When pornographers boast that they are pushing the envelope by introducing new, harder themes, what they don’t say is that they must, because their customers are building up a tolerance to the content.” In fact, “Pornhub analytics reveal that conventional sex is decreasingly interesting to users and is being replaced by themes like incest and violence.”⁽²⁾

Which brings us to an interview with a serial killer. Yes, I know, quite a segue. Ted Bundy, probably the most infamous serial killer to date, spoke to an interviewer shortly before his execution. Bundy explained that he grew up in a Christian household and had good parents. But at around twelve years of age he came upon soft-core porn, which overtime turned more graphic. In particular, magazines that involved sex and violence. As he put it, “. . . the most damaging kinds of pornography are those that involve sexual violence.  Because the wedding of those two forces, as I know only too well, brings about behavior that is just too terrible to describe.”⁶ He goes to explain how it became an obsession. “Like an addiction, you keep craving something which is harder, harder.  Something which gives you a greater sense of excitement.  Until you reach the point where the pornography only goes so far.  You reach that jumping-off point where you begin to wonder if maybe actually doing it will give you that which is beyond just reading about it or looking at it.”⁽⁶⁾ He goes on to say that alcohol also played a role in his crossing the line. “. . . I think that what alcohol did in conjunction with, let's say, my exposure to pornography [is that] alcohol reduced my inhibitions.“⁽⁶⁾ He admits to the interviewer that he was “half-drunk” when he first started to commit his crimes.

Now I’m not saying that porn and alcohol will lead to violent behavior or create a monster like Bundy. But we all have a dark side, and it’s best not to ignore that fact. For if we do, we give it power. The only way to harness the monster within us is to acknowledge it. Otherwise, we fear it and empower it. No doubt, Bundy had psychopathic tendencies from the start. Nevertheless, without an awareness, without self-control, we are all capable of behaving unethically and doing harm. Whether that be cheating, lying, stealing, being verbally abusive, or doing physical harm. And this is especially so when under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Now Bundy did say he was exposed to pornography as a young boy. What about early exposure to porn?

Research into European children and young people aged 9–16 years found:

• The engagement of children in risky offline activities increases the likelihood of exposure to online risks, particularly sexual images.
• Older children and boys are more likely to be exposed to online sexual images than younger children and girls.
• Children’s use of the Internet in private, unsupervised places and “less restrictive parental mediation” leads to a greater likelihood of exposure to online pornography (Rovolis & Tsaliki, 2012, pp. 170–1).⁷

And some of the key messages from this research were. . .

1. Pornography exists within a broader sociocultural context in which stereotypes about gender, sexism, sexual objectification and violence-supportive attitudes are also at play
2. Nearly half of children between the ages of 9-16 experience regular exposure to sexual images.
3. Young males are more likely than females to deliberately seek out pornography and to do so frequently.
4. Pornography use can shape sexual practices and is associated with unsafe sexual health practices such as not using condoms and unsafe anal and vaginal sex.
5. Pornography may strengthen attitudes supportive of sexual violence and violence against women.⁽⁷⁾

They also give advice to parents and teachers, if a child is exposed to pornography. They suggest communicating in an open manner and discussing and educating them about social media. And taking an active role in their digital lives.

Speaking of parents. . . “In a 2004 testimony before the United States Senate, Dr. Jill Manning shared some interesting data regarding pornography and relationships. In her research she found that 56 percent of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.^{1} Another source, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, polled 350 divorce attorneys in 2003 where two thirds of them reported that the Internet played a significant role in the divorces, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases.”⁸ Supposing the data is accurate, of the estimated one million divorces in the U.S. per year, roughly five hundred thousand marriages are ending over pornography use. Concerning, no doubt.

Now, I haven’t even touched on the people who get involved in the porn industry. A former pornographic film star, Jan Villarubia, entered the porn industry. . .

. . . as a divorced mom desperate to feed her three children — and producers were happy to take advantage. “I was traumatized, I was an alcoholic, and I wasn’t myself anymore,” said Ms. Villarubia, who now helps women leave the business. “But I would have done anything to put a roof over my children’s heads and food on the table.”

Ms. Villarubia is one of many former sex-trade workers fighting for stronger consent and age substantiation policies in the porn industry. She’s been urging Congress to back the bipartisan Stop Internet Sexual Exploitation Act introduced by several U.S. congressman. "I don't know anyone doing super well mentally who would choose to do porn. Even though you thought you were consenting, you never really knew what was going to happen, and I don't think my mental state made me capable of giving consent," she said.⁹ Well. . . enough said.

As for me, porn was damaging. As an alcoholic with an addictive personality, pornography was another addiction, not unlike alcohol, drugs, cigarette smoking, gambling, and my sexually promiscuous behavior. I know that once I quit drinking and stopped using drugs, I turned to sleeping around a lot and viewing porn. As they say, I just took a different seat on the Titanic. And so this had to stop as well if I was to achieve good sobriety and good well-being. Fact is, many men and women in the rooms of recovery associate porn with booze and drugs, especially cocaine. It’s like, well, once you have a drink, out come the cigarettes, and the next thing you know you’re sparking up a joint and calling your coke dealer. By the end of the night, you’re masturbating to porn videos. Being a addicted to porn is common among alcoholics and addicts. Yet, it’s seldom talked about. I suppose there’s a shame behind it. The other reason may be that most recovery meetings are attended by both men and women. Which makes it uncomfortable to talk about. No doubt, porn will more likely come up at a men’s meeting. But not as much as it should. That’s not to say that alcoholics and addicts corner the market on porn addition. Oh no. Remember, “Pornhub. . . received over 33.5 billion site visits during 2018 alone.”⁽²⁾

That said, there are many that can have the occasional drink and toke of weed. They can drink socially and view porn without any consequence, without it causing any problems in their life or marriage. Still, it wouldn’t hurt us to look within, and without, to make sure of this, before casually dismissing the possibility of it being a problem in some regard. I mean, why not?

So in conclusion, be mindful, not only with your own relationship to porn, but with your partner’s and your children’s. And for those in recovery. . . it is my opinion that we should start a more open dialogue, if not in the rooms of recovery, then with our sponsor/sponcee relationships. And I’ll leave you all with this. . . in my view, the secret to good well-being is honesty. We not only must be honest with others, but we must be honest with ourselves. And please keep this in mind; we are only as sick as our secrets. Well, that’s all I have. Be well, and as always, thank you so much for listening. Again, if you enjoy the podcast, please Share it with others and give it a rating or review on Apple. Thanks again, and be well.

 

1. Jenkins, John Philip. Pornography. Sep 18, 2023. Britannica (online).
2. Watching pornography rewires the brain to a more juvenile state. Source: The Conversation Media Contacts: Rachel Anne Barr. December 29, 2019. NeuroscienceNews.com.
3. Weir, Kirsten. April 2014, Vol 45, No. 4. Is Pornography Addictive? American Psychological Association (https://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/04/pornography).
4. Studies Show Pornography Changes the Brain. By: NCOSE January 24, 2022. National Center on Sexual Exploitation.
5. The Link Between Pornography and Dopamine. By Allo Health. July 6, 2023.
6. A Serial Killer Warns the World About Pornography. (Dobson Digital Library).
7. The effects of pornography on children and young people: An evidence scan RESEARCH REPORT 2017. Antonia Quadara, Alissar El-Murr and Joe Latham (2017). Melbourne, Australian Institute of Family Studies.
8. Is Porn Really Destroying 500,000 Marriages Annually? Is porn really the cause of 50% of all divorces? December 12, 2011. Kevin B. Skinner, Ph.D. Psychology Today. {^1.} Manning J., Senate Testimony 2004, referencing: Dedmon, J., "Is the Internet bad for your marriage? Online affairs, pornographic sites playing greater role in divorces," 2002, press release from The Dilenschneider Group, Inc.
9. Sean Salai. The Washington Times. October 26, 2021.