Hello Everyone, Welcome to the podcast “Close to the Bone.” I’m Carl Vreeland, your host. This is episode #49, it’s called, “Dealing with the Dark Side.”

If we were to get completely honest with ourselves, we would come to know and admit that we are capable of doing good things and bad things. In fact, as human beings, we are capable of good and evil. We are tested from time to time. And we have a breaking point. Fear and anxiety can take hold of us, and anger and resentment can grow into revengeful, hateful acts. Some folks sadly experience horrific, traumatic events that dramatically change their view of the world, which can sometimes even alter their brain chemistry.

Regardless, there is a monster within us. And again, if we were to get real with ourselves, we would confess, at the very least, that we have caught a glimpse of this ugly part of us. For instance. . . when you see someone on television who committed a heinous crime, who tortured and murdered a young innocent person, doesn’t your blood boil, if only for a few minutes? Don’t you desire justice? Doesn’t the thought of wanting this person to suffer in the same fashion come to mind? Just think about how difficult it would it be if this victim was a family member or friend? How hard would it be to rise above it, as it were, to accept it, and perhaps even forgive this wicked being? Difficult, no doubt, maybe unattainable. And what happens when we witness a heartbroken father in a courtroom, facing his child’s murderer, don’t we feel his pain? Don’t we cheer him on when he shockingly jumps over the stand and starts choking the person who devastated his poor family? Don’t we relate? Don’t we find his actions just? Don’t we justify his desperate display, if only for a moment or two?

Yes, I know, this is disturbing to imagine and ponder. But the truth is, we may encounter circumstances when we will be challenged, when controlling the monster within us will be nearly impossible. When it will sway us and convince us that any revengeful destructive actions would be justifiable. And so, we must heighten our awareness and be vigilant. And this takes effort and practice. Think about it, if we lose our wits over someone cutting the line at the supermarket, we better start practicing patience and understanding now, big time, before we get confronted with something much more serious.

Now, you might say, “No, not me. I’m a good person. I would never do anything harmful to anyone.” Well, perhaps so. But I’m suggesting to consider otherwise. Look at yourself. Don’t you get frustrated now and again? Hasn’t anyone done you wrong? And haven’t you had thoughts of retaliation? Really, look closely. Now, I’m not saying you acted out or would act on any angry thoughts and feelings. I’m suggesting you admit to yourself that you had them, and if you acted on them, do the same; come clean. I can’t tell you how many people I know who say that they aren’t angry, resentful, and revengeful, yet their words, anecdotes, and actions tell me otherwise. Look, I believe it’s in our best interest to confess. It releases us, relieves us, and frees us when we do. We grow, and gain a deeper understanding and wisdom.

And this is the main reason why I’m trying to bring this to light; it’s because it’s better to acknowledge the dark side of our humanity. For if we hide it, ignore it, try to push it away, suppress it, and pretend it’s not there, it will grow bigger, become more frightening, and no doubt manifest itself somewhere. It may turn up as impatience, as passive-aggressive behaviors, bad nightmares, and or depression. It could get strong enough to take hold of us. And then, it will be hard to stifle or stop. It could then overwhelm us, consume us, and drive us to do unthinkable things, things we see much too often on the evening news.

And so what to do? Well, essentially, the starting point to harnessing the evil within us, is to admit, acknowledge and face the evil potentiality within us. Yes, this is another case of facing our fears. In this case, looking the monster in the eye and saying I see you and recognize you. I know you’re there to protect me from dangerous physical threats and in times of war and such. And I know you also show me what is good. For without bad, I would not know what good is. And without dark, I would not know light. So, yes, I accept you. That said, I will not feed you with anger, resentment, hate, and violence. I will only try to understand you and work with you.

And so, in order to contain or govern our dark side, we must practice certain principles that keep us in the light. Principles such as honesty and humility. We must practice non-judgment which can keep us humble. We should practice and learn how to let go of anger, see people as sick and suffering. And of course, we should avoid exceptions to these principles. Otherwise we risk experiencing a slippery slope. Meaning, if we judge just one person, we will begin to find it easy to judge others again and again. And that feeds the shadow side of us. Additionally, when we see ourselves as better than others, however evil they may be, we deny the dark side within us.
Again, we are all capable of both good and evil, and so in that sense we are above no one.

To reiterate, anything can happen to anyone of us that could change our course in life in either direction. As for me, I must be mindful and grateful that I am sober and that I have my sanity. And I must be thankful that the shadow side of me did not swallow me up during my drunken, dark, depressed years. For sure, I have seen a side of me that scared the hell out of me. And it was that unspeakable sight that pressed me, prodded me, and propelled me to seek help.

With that said, no one knows what the future holds, so I try to stay in the day, refrain from fueling my anger, practice letting go of anger and any potential resentments or grudges, and I try to stay connected to people. Indeed, I know if I isolate, if I stay too long in my head, I’m headed for trouble. So, nourish the good and the light within you. And although I believe we must acknowledge the monster within us, we mustn’t give it too much attention, and we certainly shouldn’t feed it. For it is alive and well and strong enough. No, we should put our energy, as much and as often as possible, into the Light.

As always, thank you for listening.

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