In this episode, I delve deep into anger, and share the tools and techniques that help me let go of anger and live a more peaceful life. Please feel free to leave a comment below, and or add to the conversation. Thanks for reading!
Hey Folks, Here's another podcast transcript. FYI, I've been posting them because some of you expressed to me how you rather read the transcripts than to listen to the podcast. I hope you enjoy.
Hello Everyone, Welcome to the podcast “Close to the Bone.” I’m Carl Vreeland, your host. This is episode #51, it’s called, “How to Let Go of Anger.”
It’s been a while since I last published a podcast episode, but I’m back, and it’s certainly good to be back in the podcast seat. During my hiatus, I had a few of you ask me about anger, saying that, “Well, I agree with you Carl, holding on to anger is toxic and destructive. It certainly negatively impacts my life and the people around me, including my loved ones. I’d like to let go of my anger when it arises, as you suggest, but how do I do that?” Well, I hear you loud and clear. I had no idea how to do it either at first. Yes, it sounds logical, it makes sense; holding on to anger toward people or staying angry because things aren’t going our way is self-destructive, to put it frankly. We can get angry at just about anything. . . it rained on the day that I planned a picnic, do you believe it! My best friend bailed out last minute on dinner plans, I can’t count on him any longer. The woman I met at the gym didn’t return my call, how rude! And on and on. Such is life. Yet we get anger about such things. Of course, occasionally things turn more challenging at times. . . we get Covid-19 a week before our trip to France and have to cancel our long-awaited vacation. We get a letter from our landlord announcing a rent increase. You get the picture. Yes, again and again, things crop up. We can’t get a break. We get frustrated and angry. Some of us eventually get bitter and distrusting of life. We slowly, without even realizing it, turn into angry, cynical people.
Now, the reality is that things will always crop up in life. The practice (my first suggestion), is to not anticipate the other shoe dropping. We don’t want to go around living life guarded all the time, waiting for bad news, this is no way to live. Some of us get to a point that when things are going too well, we think bad news is just around the corner; life is just going too well. Of course, this is a bad way to live, always anticipating something tragic, living with dread. The positive approach to living life would be more like this; live life happily and when things happen, deal with them then. For sure, we can prevent things from happening, by thinking before we act. For example, if we’re running late to an appointment, and we chance speeding on the highway, we shouldn’t get bent out of shape if we get pulled over and get a summons. Let’s say this happens, we get pulled over, practice pausing (my second suggestion). When anger starts to arise, nip it in the bud (suggestion three). Practice self-talk (suggestion four). “OK, I was speeding, I took a chance, the cop is only doing his job, calm down, it’s not the end of the world. I can always go to court and try to have the points lowered or removed. For sure, I should give myself more time in the future, so I don’t have to speed and get all anxious about getting somewhere on time.” See, in most cases, through self-talk, we begin to see our role in the situation, and where we are at fault. More than that, at the end of the day, we should reflect on our day (suggestion five), especially on the events that challenged us. No doubt, we will see more clearly, if we haven’t already. We will see our part in it all and how we could have avoided it or handled it better. By the way, I’m listing and numbering all the suggestive key points, and I will print them at the bottom of the podcast transcript. This way you’ll have a reference if need be. I’ll explain further at the end.
OK, so, here’s another example. . . let’s say after your first date with someone, you call the person up for a second date. Why not? The date went very well in your view. But the person says they’re not interested. And that although they had fun on the date, they’re not ready to get involved. Sure, rejection is hard. And of course, we will inevitably think and feel that we are not good looking enough, smart enough, and so on. Again, nip it in the bud. Stop the negative self-talk (suggestion six). It doesn’t serve us well. It would be another thing if person said we were too pushy on the first date. In that case, we should reflect, and again, not get angry. Maybe the person is right, or maybe they’re wrong. In either case, why get angry? It doesn’t help. Think about it. How does it help? OK, you might say, but it’s offensive, who do they think they are? Well, I propose letting go of that thought. A
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