Hello Everyone, Welcome to the podcast “Close to the Bone.” I’m Carl Vreeland. This is episode #47, it’s called, “Things Will Never Be The Same”

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When something upsetting or dreadful happens in life, let’s say. . . a health scare, or the loss of a loved one, why do we say, “Oh, things will never be the same.” Well, of course not. Everything is fleeting in life, there’s no way around it. We must accept this truth, not wish for things to be the same. “I just want things like they were. . . I wish my mom and pop were here, you know, I wish the whole family were together again, like it used to be.” Nonacceptance of this truth of impermanence, of life really, only creates longing and suffering. It reminds me of what I often hear in the rooms of recovery. People who have lost their jobs, who know they can’t drink anymore, who know they can’t go to the clubs and party any longer, they will say, “I just want my old life back.” They don’t see that their old life led them to a chair in the basement of a church, in which they really should be creating a new life for themselves. A clean and sober one, an honest one, a grown up one, a sane one. Regardless of what we desire and hope for, things will never be the same, such is life, and thank God for that.

Look, we all need sameness, some stability, routines, rituals, disciplines. But the reality is, everything changes, everything is fleeting, nothing is permanent. When we accept this, we suffer less. It’s not like some of us don’t experience impermanence, no one is immune. We’re all in this together. No doubt, that was the case with the corona virus and the lockdowns. Indeed, things changed and none of us will ever be the same. But, life is life, there’s no changing that. The only thing we can change is ourselves, and how we see and experience the world. And of course, how we respond to it. None of us are special. Thinking we are special and that our pain is special, is a self-centered stance. And moreover, it leads to self-pity. . . and that’s a self-absorbed path that leads to alienation and deep unhappiness.

The Buddhists got it right. Craving causes suffering. “I want things to be as they were, as they used to be, I want my old life back.” I want, I want, I want, well. . . that’s the problem. I, I, I want. Me, me, me. Once we stop selfishly wanting, once we overcome the strong cravings, once we accept that we’re not going to get everything we want in life, once we see that everything is not going to go the way we want we want it to go, we will suffer less. I can’t tell you how many times I got caught in traffic, for instance, which caused me to be late to the airport, or late to some important interview or audition, and I would curse the world, or God, and pound the steering wheel, and scream. It was no way to live. There were other times when someone would change plans last minute, or change the meeting time. . . and I would react the same way; “Why does this always happen, I can’t get a break!” See, I was living in my own little self-centered world, I was egocentric; wanting things my way. Boy, did I suffer. As did the people around me. It wasn’t fun for anyone.

I got sick and tired of living this way. Thankfully, I knew enough to seek help, and I found the willingness to do the inside work. Denial broke, and I saw that I was the problem. All my suffering was of my own making. I was unable to accept life on life’s terms. I wanted to run the show. I wanted to control my life and the people around me. I wanted things my way. I wanted to set the rules to the game. Now, of course, I didn’t know I was this way, I didn’t realize it. And that was the denial that blinded me. And ignorance of course. I lacked wisdom no doubt. But thankfully I woke up.

Now, it’s one thing to know this, and it’s another to live it. And that’s where the effort comes in. It’s not easy to change, we all know that. But we must if we are to grow and experience well-being, good health, and a good life. And so, we must be vigilant, noticing when we are getting frustrated when things aren’t going our way, practicing letting go, staying rationale, remaining calm, getting back to base-line. We can talk ourselves down, “I know this is out of my control, I need to accept things right now.” See, by using these techniques, we tune into a deeper wisdom. We fall into the flow of the universe. And we learn to trust this flow. How? You might ask. Well, over time, through consistently flowing with things, the Universe shows us proof, as it were. Time and time again, we see that things work out for the better, when we let go and let God, as they say in AA. If you’re an atheist, remove the name God and use another name, like Cosmic Consciousness or the Laws of Nature. It doesn’t matter. It’s what you’re powerless over. And if you can’t admit when you’re powerless over something, well. . . good luck with that.

And so, “things will never be the same” is life, is God, is Cosmic Consciousness whether you like it or not. I suggest liking it though. You will suffer less. Stop longing for the past. Be in the present. Enjoy life now, because guess what? It will come to an end one day, and there are no second chances. So, choose your path wisely, and best wishes to you.

Well, as always, thank you so much for listening.