Hey Folks, Here's another podcast transcript. FYI, I've been posting them because some of you expressed to me how you rather read the transcripts than to listen to the podcast. I hope you enjoy.
In this episode, among other related things, I speak about drinking, smoking pot, and other addictions. Why do we indulge and what purpose does it serve in our lives? Please feel free to leave a comment below, and or add to the conversation. Thanks for reading!
Greetings Everyone, Welcome to the podcast “Close to the Bone.” I’m Carl Vreeland.
This is episode #52, it’s titled, “Why Do We Drink?”
Indeed, that is the question, “Why do we drink?” But before I go on, keep in mind that this question applies to all addictions, whether it be alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, sugar, etc. Of course, this is supposing you have a problem, or at least think you may have a problem. Or for that matter, you may know someone who is struggling with addiction, wherein this episode might be insightful. Perhaps it can deepen your understanding of addiction whereas you might be helpful in some way, or at the very least more understanding. And of course, if appropriate, you can always share this episode with them.
So, why do we drink? On occasion, I used to ask the people I knew fairly well this seemingly simple question. I always thought it was a straightforward question, but it seemed that everyone thought. . . well, they thought it to be an awkward question with an obvious answer. “Well, it helps me relax at the end of a long day. It’s a de-stressor.” But I would try to dig deeper. I would ask, “Well, I imagine on occasion you wind-up have one too many, resulting in a hangover the following morning?” They would say yes, but not show much concern. On reflection, this lack of concern, made sense; drinking, partying, the bar scene, hangovers. . . well. . . it’s normal behavior in Western culture. Indeed, we live in a drinking culture. Moreover, marijuana is now legal in many parts of the Western world, and like alcohol, it is becoming normalized as well.
As with anything, it’s hard to dig deeper. So why do it, why dig deeper? Why try to figure out why we drink? I mean, especially if everything is fine. What’s the big deal? So, I drink too much on occasion. So, I get behind the wheel now and again after a few drinks. So, I’m late to work from time to time because I had a little too much the night before. I mean, why should I deprive myself from having a little fun sometimes? Well, I’m proposing that this “normal” behavior is perhaps not normal. I mean, believe or not, I’ve heard people say, “So, I got a couple of DUI’s, most people get one or two.” Indeed, this is even seen as normal behavior, or so it seems for some. Risky behavior? Yes, for certain. But let’s go further.. . .
It's difficult to get brutally honest with ourselves, especially when it comes to what is accepted, normalized behavior It’s not unlike cheating on our taxes and secrets we’ll go to the grave with. Certainly, we all lie a little in order to get through life with less incidence, and many of us drink a bit more than we should, and smoke pot too often, but we chalk it up to the exception; we are human, we slip up now and again. Still, I go back to the question, “Why do we drink? I mean, really, why?” Another question we could ask ourselves is, “What would it feel like not to drink?” What if we were to sit with the stress instead of drinking? What would happen if when we got stressed, we paused, and felt the energy of stress? Perhaps we’d notice something, emotions, unease, anxiety, existential angst, fear, hurt, anger. Maybe we’d realize that we’ve been avoiding something. Could we be carrying a resentment? Are we living with trauma? Is life not going our way and we don’t want to acknowledge it? Is it starting to look as if life isn’t going to go as planned? Perhaps we’re not married yet, and we planned to have kids by now. Or maybe we never got that promotion we worked so hard to get. Perhaps our dreams are not coming true, and we are freaking out on the inside about it. Or maybe it’s that our best friend moved out of the country last year and we miss them. Could it be that we’re not accepting these unwanted outcomes? Denial is a powerful thing. In fact, my teacher used to say that denial is so powerful, that we don’t even know we’re lying to ourselves.
As for me, I was a heavy drinker back in the day and I didn’t think I had a problem. No, I was sure that I didn’t have a problem; it was everyone else who had the problem. In fact, everyone and everything was the cause of all my heartache. I used to believe that if it weren’t for the women in my life breaking my heart, I’d be at peace. If people were fair and recognized my talent, I’d be more successful. If my employers didn’t have such huge egos, I wouldn’t have had to fight them on so many things. Yes, I even blamed God for my lack of material things and money, and my unhappiness. For certain, my thinking was upside down. I thought my cynicism and negative attitude stemmed from the toxic people in my life and this backward world we live in, and that it had nothing to do with my drinking. In fact, I drank because of these toxic people. Well. . . it became apparent, once I got sober that is; that I was wrong on every level. Of course, it took quite a few years of sobriety for the walls of denial to come crumbling down. And it took the 12 Step Program and a wonderful sponsor who didn’t stand for my nonsense. He was tough, and I needed that. My walls of denial were thick.
See, the booze produced an effect on me that I was very fond of. It would not only relax and destress me, it would loosen-up, turn me less inhibited, make me more comfortable around people in social situations (especially around women), it would make me feel. . . well, normal. Or at least what I imagined to be normal. Comfortable, I guess you can say. Problem was, I wanted to get more and more comfortable, and so I drank too much. And of course, I drank too often. And I would think about drinking more and more often as the years went by. Thoughts of drinking, and all that came with it, ended up taking up a lot of headspace. . . “Where are we going to go tonight? What’s the plan for holiday? Who’s hanging out? What are we going to drink tonight?” Yes, drinking, and the planning around drinking, became a priority.
From what I gather, many of us never think about drinking. That is, until someone stops drinking. Like myself. Indeed, when I stopped, slowly and sadly things changed. The same old group of friends. . . well, they didn’t desire my company as much, if at all. They didn’t find me to be as much fun. They no longer found me funny once I stopped drinking, or so some of them said. I imagine they found it uncomfortable to be around me once I got sober. It’s understandable. In fact, they became less interesting to me. It seemed we has less in common than I thought. After a few drinks they would speak with slurred speech, repeating themselves, turning sometimes maudlin. It got boring. Plus, I couldn’t find the energy to stay up late any longer. Without alcohol and dried goods to fuel me up, I got tired. Yes, it was mutual really; they lost interest in me and me in them.
Without alcohol and drugs, my life began to change. My social circles changed. My mind and body changed. My spirit started to call on me. Yes, my spirit, in which I had been drowning with alcohol for so many years. Indeed, I nearly killed my spirit. Thankfully, I woke up. But I only woke up by putting down the drink first, and by sitting with my anxiety, angst, anger, resentments, fears, disappointments, failures, mistakes, and the harms I had done. As I learned, only by facing fears and such, and working with them, and only by seeking help and doing the inside work did things start to break. Only then did the walls of denial start to come down, revealing the Light, wisdom, truth, and a Power greater than myself.
What would happen if you stopped drinking, or stopped smoking pot? Aren’t you curious? Look at it another way; are you enjoying your life? Are you experiencing joy? Do you feel good about yourself? Do you feel strong and confident? Are you thriving or just surviving? Get honest, do you like yourself? And. . . putting material things aside, is your life full and rich? Now you might be thinking, “Well, whether I answer yes or no to these questions, what does it have to do with drinking or smoking pot?” Well, the simply answer is. . . it has everything to do with it.
If you’re struggling, and you want to change your life, but you’re finding it difficult, get help. I couldn’t do it alone. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength and wisdom. I wish you the best. God speed.
And as always, thank you so much for listening.
If you enjoy the podcast, please Share it with others and give it a rating or review on Apple. Also, please subscribe to my free newsletter or just sign-up for a free membership on my website. This will give you full access to my Blog post, the podcast transcriptions, and more. Just go to carltvreeland.com and go to the support page. Also, please don’t forget to follow me on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. My handle is @carltvreeland. Thank you again.