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Hello Everyone, Welcome to the podcast “Close to the Bone.” I’m Carl Vreeland. This is episode #48, it’s called, “Why We Need Reminders.”

Before I begin though, let me say that if you enjoy the podcast, please Share it with others and or give it a rating or review on Apple. Also, please subscribe to my free newsletter on my website, or just sign-up for a free membership. This will give you full access to my Blog post, the podcast transcriptions, and more. Just go to carltvreeland.com and go to the support page. Also, please don’t forget to follow me on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. My handle is @carltvreeland. Thanks, and now for the episode, “Why We Need Reminders. . . .“

It’s interesting how we need to be reminded to be positive, happy, and to let go of anger, and to forgive, for instance. We have no problem complaining, being angry, being distrustful, worrying about things, and expecting negative outcomes. We don’t need to be reminded of that, we don’t need assistance or coaching for any of that. Indeed, it certainly takes no effort to be pessimistic, but great strength to be hopeful. It’s easy to be angry, but hard to let go of it. We have no problem holding a grudge, but must exert ourselves to forgive someone. We can quickly turn cynical, yet need help and guidance on how to be trusting.

Why is this? Why does cursing, lashing out, telling people off, being cold to them, bad-mouthing and defaming people seem to come so naturally? Yet kindness, civility, thoughtfulness, politeness, on the other hand, take great effort. Harsh speech takes no effort. In fact, we can call harsh speech lazy speech. But on the other side of it; loving speech, takes thoughtfulness, skill, and effort. So, again, the question is. . . why is this? Well, like with most things, there isn’t one answer. For sure, it’s our upbringing and training, so to speak. And it’s what we are exposed to by way of models such as our parents and family. It’s also the culture we are raised in and the TV shows, movies, and advertisements we are fed. For certain, a lack of guidance and discipline during our childhood years could have led to objectionable behaviors and habits, such as bad tempers, lack of self-control, and such. And yes, sometimes it’s due to genetics.

Actually, with that in mind, there is our default mechanism. We are hard-wired for negativity. We give more attention to what could go wrong than anything else. We are built to keep ourselves and our kin safe from danger. Problem is, in the modern, civilized world, this bias is unnecessary and causes us problems. We are seldom, if at all, in dangerous situations.

That said, many of us are slaves to this negatively bias; which it is now called. And this is partly because most of us lack an awareness and understanding of it. And most certainly, few of us, if any, are given the skills on how to avoid falling victim to this bias. Now, we can’t rid of it, nor do we want to. Ideally we should learn to harness it, control it, and use it to our benefit when needed.

Now then, how do we do that? Well, we need to start noticing it. It manifests itself in fear and anxiety, worry and anger, stress, tension, depression, righteousness, distrust, sarcasm, cynicism, and acts of hostility, to name but a few. And so, we have to start watching and stop feeding these emotions and mindsets and such. And we have to be reminded. Because it’s easy to forget and slip back into the old ways; falling victim to our default mechanisms. We must always be watchful, vigilant, and remind ourselves to stay on track, stay active, and not give in to our negativity bias.

Routines and rituals help. Daily prayer, meditation, and movement. Reading spiritual based books that speak about it. It’s also wise to be around like-minded people. We can join groups; online or otherwise. This is why Alcoholics Anonymous has daily meetings, in addition to the Fellowship. And why Yoga practitioners have a community and the Buddhists have the Sangha. These folks can help remind us and hold us accountable.

See, on the other hand, being around people that are negative, associating with dark, distrustful, dissatisfied souls can be wearing on us. And this becomes more and more apparent as our awareness heightens. That said, we don’t have to spend too much effort on reevaluating relationships and disassociating with people who are difficult to be with. When we change, grow, and become different than our old selves, nature usually does its thing. That is, not only do we become less interested in being around pessimistic folks, they turn less likely to desire our company as well. Indeed, one could say, it all happens organically.

Speaking of organic, nature also has a way of reminding us to stay on track. As we progress, and experience life in the Light, as it were. When we turn more positive, purpose-driven, and peaceful, falling back into our old negative mindset becomes less and less comfortable. And that discomfort, and hence loss of inner-peace, never mind harms done as a result of our anger or such, well. . . it all gets uglier. More than that, it doesn’t feel good in our bodies. And so we become more driven to resist the urges to go back to the old ways.

So, to conclude, when we put in the effort to change, the Universe seems to help us along, and gives us little reminders just when we need them.

Well, as always, thank you so much for listening.

Comments(2)

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    • 4 months ago

    Your blog has rapidly become my go-to destination for inspiration. I thank you!

    1. Happy to hear it. Thanks for letting me know!

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