Greetings Everyone, I’m Carl Vreeland, and this is the podcast “Close to the Bone.”


Before I begin, I want to mention that there’s a strong likelihood I will be unable to published any podcast episodes in August. I’m in the midst of moving into another home. We’ll see how it goes, but either way, I’ll be back in September, for sure. That said, I want to thank you all for listening. OK, back to the podcast.


This is episode #32, entitled, You Are Loved.


When self-help gurus or Yoga celebrities tell us that, “We are loved,” what exactly do they mean? Do they mean that they actually love us? And if so, in what way? In some kind of Universal, Cosmic way? Meaning they love all beings? Perhaps like some Higher Being, their love for us extends from their hearts to ours? Or do they mean some Cosmic Force loves us? Or that God loves us? Or do they mean they love us, personally? I can’t imagine that though, being most of their followers are strangers.


OK then, let’s say we have a personal relationship with a life coach who tells us, “You are loved,” do they really love us? I mean, how well do they know us? Do they just love everyone? And more to the point, how does this help us and make us feel loved? Maybe they mean that a Higher Power loves us, like don’t worry about anything; you are loved. That we are being watched over? But how do they know that? How are they privy to something that we are not aware of or knowledgeable of?


Look, I understand that their intentions may be good, but again, how is this supposed to help us? Assuming that I’m not loved, or I don’t feel loved, am I supposed to take their word for it that I am loved? Loved by them, by others, by the world, by God? When I am sitting alone in my room, depleted and depressed, this knowing that “I am loved” is supposed to be comforting? Again, I’m sure their intentions are good, by the truth is, expressing “you are loved” doesn’t lift a finger. It may help them by saying it, meaning it may make them feel better, as if they are doing something virtuous. But how does it help someone who doesn’t have love in their life? How does it help someone online whom they don’t know? How does a post to a Friend’s list on Facebook, that may consist of hundreds of random Followers, make one feel loved? How does it help someone who is distraught and unable to feel love? Even if the guru or life coach means that you are loved by some God or Cosmic Power, how does this aid anyone in connecting with that Power?


Let’s get honest about it. “You are loved” is a scripted stance. And it caught on, and now just about every life coach uses it. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s empty. It has no spirit to it. It’s like “thoughts and prayers,” it means nothing really. It has no heart. It’s cookie cutter coaching. Yes, it sounds good, just like “You are worthy, you are worthy of love.” I am worthy? Now what does that mean? Do you mean that as a human being I’m entitled to be loved, to be valued, to be respected? That it’s my right? So everyone is worthy of love and respect then? So, it’s not earned? Well, certainly one should try to take the high road and still love and respect a criminal, whom one could say didn’t earn it. And I can support that. Nevertheless, this mentality of being worthy of love has a sense of entitlement to it that I find hard to support. It lacks humbleness and humility; two components necessary to develop good character and self-love and worth.


Look, if we want to show someone that they are loved, we should simply tell them “I love you.” That means something. Or how about calling someone on the phone and saying, “Let’s get together?” Or asking them how they are doing? How about lending them an ear? Letting them talk. Being there with them and for them. That is something. Sit with them, without giving advice, just listening. Just holding space. By letting someone feel heard, they open up. They put themselves out there. They start to feel love.


Truth is, one can literally be loved by family, friends, colleagues, and God, but if they don’t love themselves, they won’t feel loved. See, we must first learn to love ourselves. If we want to be loved, if we want to feel love, to experience love, then we must put ourselves out there, open up to people who will listen, get honest, and let ourselves be vulnerable. This opens us up to Grace, and to the hearts of others, and to God. We must get out of self. We need to get out of our heads and stop feeling sorry for ourselves. We must give to life, get honest, reveal our secrets to someone, we must let people in, open up our hearts. Yes, this is difficult. So, we do it little by slowly. Overtime, we learn to love ourselves.


Again, easier said than done. We might need professional help, spiritual help, any kind of help. Indeed, asking for help is how we start to feel loved, but someone simply telling us that we are loved, isn’t going to do the trick.


See, when we open up, others do. We have let people in. And by doing so, we are loved in return. Now, does this mean we are loved by the Universe or by God? Well, there’s no evidence that the Universe loves us, or that God loves us for that matter. If anything, not unlike the Laws of Nature, the Universe, God, is neither benevolent nor malicious, neither loves nor hates us. Like Nature, it’s likely that God just is. That said, whether God is loving or not, we must love ourselves first if we are to experience God’s love. When we learn to love ourselves, our perception changes, our perspective shifts, our experience changes, we live in the Light, we lean toward the positive. So, in turn, what was once an ugly, dangerous, distorted world becomes a beautiful, comfortable, loving one. We sit relaxed. We see more clearly. Everything becomes more vivid. We sit in nature and watch the blades of grass swaying in the wind. We see the beauty of the shadows and light. We look at the birds bathe in the pond. We listen to the waves of sound coming from the cicadas. We feel the sun on our skin. We experience calm. And feelings of gratitude arise, and yes, feelings of love burst from our beings. And then suddenly, as if by magic, we feel loved.


Well, that’s all I have, as always, thank you for listening. Once again, remember, I’m relocating in the month of August, so I may not be able to publish anything until September.


If you enjoy this podcast, a great way to support it is to leave a Review or Rate it on Apple. And don’t forget to visit my website,, among other things, you’ll find my blog there, which includes some podcast transcripts. Again, thank you so much for listening.


I strongly encourage my readers to share their thoughts and add to the conversation. Don’t be shy, leave your comments below. 




    • Chuck Mercein

    • 11 months ago

    Hi Carl,

    I just read the transcript of your podcast, You Are Loved, and want to commend you on writing it. Your message on the importance of feeling loved to one’s overall well being and happiness was spot on. And your point that one must learn to love oneself in order to feel loved, I also thought was on the money.



    1. Hi Chuck,

      Thank you for reading it, and for the detailed comment. I’m glad you liked it. I appreciate the support.

      Sincerely, Carl

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